There is always some truth in every stereotype. Some truth may be misguided, as things and people change over a prolonged period. Unfortunately, stereotype take much longer to change. Generations pass on the crap that they believed about another group, so the next generation will believe it until they have a chance to open their own eyes in pursuit of their own truth. It is not always found, but we must never stop looking. I have never viewed any race to be inferior to my own, which has made it incredibly easy to find the beauty in everyone. Don’t miss out on the world’s pleasures because of misconceptions. Seek your own truth.

Over 40 percent of Japanese men between the ages of 18-34 were reported to have claimed to have never had sex. Over 60 percent claim to be single. Their reasons for this uncommon phenomenon ranged from men who were afraid of rejection, so turned their attention to other things instead of pursuing women. Even the women who seemed to be open and sexually active claimed that the men seemed as though they couldn’t be bothered. I mean why would they bother, they have animation? I don’t know what sort of trauma I’d have had to go through to trade boobs for anime.

This is not just limited to men, one of the women interviewed by the BBC also said that she had no desire for sex. Nope, you didn’t read that wrong, she has zero interest in sex, she’d rather be partying and drinking with her friends. Anyone in the West will tell you that those two go hand in hand here, sex and partying. She said she felt that having a boyfriend would restrict her from having fun, that she wouldn’t be able to party as much as she would like. What kind of squares are the men that she run into? To be fair, it is quite impressive that she’s up for boozing but not sex. Each man/woman to his/her own.

What does this mean for everyone else? Seeing as this issue seems to be more prevalent in women than men, there may be a case where women will be pushed to date outside of their race, not by choice, but necessity. I am not sure how I would feel about someone dating me out of necessity. You know, a relationship of convenience on their part. Does that mean that they will move on as soon as they run into someone within their category of choice? If you are both in it for the same reasons, perhaps that is fair enough.

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You know that saying, give a man a mask and he will show you who he really is? I believe online dating is the clearest snapshot that we get into who people really are. Culturally, casual dating is frowned upon in the Indian community. This is why arranged marriages are still the most prevalent route of marriage. We are not to be naïve enough to think that no one is going against the mould. It is clear that, Indian who live outside of India will in some ways assimilate the local culture of the place that they are living in. I’ve always had mixed feeling about this, one part of me feels as though some authenticity is robbed, whereas assimilation also makes it easier for us to get along.

Most Indian parents are super protective of their daughters, so you want to be mindful of that. I found a good approach to be one of making sure that you come clean right from the get go, if you are looking for something long term. If they don’t like you, that’s okay, at least you know right away. If the fathers know that they can trust you, you are good to go!

The top Indian dating sites facilitate for offline meetings, in an attempt to take things from the Western online chats that may drag on until people decide whether or not they would actually like to meet up. This plays along with the cultural belief that encourages that couples meet within a curated and safe environment, where the two can get to know one another, with no hanky-panky on the cards.

To get approval from the father before asking his daughter out would totally get you lad points. If he was to say no, you would then have to decide whether the girl is worth defying her father with or not.

The Guardian reported that the world of online dating is stirring up a revolution in India. One that is seeing more and more young men and women date casually, without the express intention of getting married. They are starting to do things the western way.

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Online dating is reported to have grossed over $1.6 billion in Asia’s most densely populated country. Like other parts of Asia, Chinese young adults have an expectation that most children must bear from their parents. They are expected to marry! The family name must carry on, the parents want to become grandparents. That is what society expects of them.

In most cases their relationships are built on the basis of statistics. They are not really looking for the most attractive female/male to date, rather the one who they would live comfortably with. By comfortably I mean financially. This is not your regular gold-digger type of situation. For the most part, both parties have things going for them. They have a decent career, decent income, and just want someone who will come in and not leech off them. They are looking for someone who they can have a family with. It is almost a strict business transaction. The ideal person should tick certain boxes to be accepted. There are Chinese government regulations that were put in place, for the express reason of culling marriage for money.

Based on their population, I believe this is a luxury that they can still afford, where other people may not be able to. This is what the Marriage and Love Expo is built on. Parents come to these events as well, to try and pick the perfect mate for their child. Fast paced cities build people who no longer have time to pursue relationships.  

The pressure of marriage is somewhat unreasonable, as there will be an estimated 20 million more men than women in China. I would assume that this is a direct result of the one child policy which saw most families prefer to have a male child.

Expats from the US, Africa and Europe use dating apps as a means of meeting Chinese women, which will perhaps somewhat offset the deficit that is expected to be there by 2020. For most ex pats meeting locals can be quite a complex proposition. The dating apps help alleviate the barriers that would otherwise forbid relationships from being forged. I’d personally struggle with the language barrier in China, even though I find the women to be ridiculously attractive.

Put me on an app, and give me Google translate, and I am a Casanova. I will have the time to translate our conversations before I respond to them. Hmmm, smart huh?

To top it all up, Chinese women are generally more keen to get things going than those in the West. Western culture has that implied etiquette where the man is expected to make the first move. I like making the first move in general, but don’t mind the few times that women take the lead. I am not one of those men who find it intimidating for women to take the lead.  

The approach is also very different between the Western and Chinese women. The first conversation with Western ladies tends to centralise on good old banter. They want to figure out whether they like the sort of conversation that the guy has, is he funny and so on.

On the other hand, conversations with Chinese woman seem to be anchored on the future. They are not after hanky-panky for the most part. What do you do for a living? Where do you live? Do you own the place that you reside in? what are your plans for the future? You know, the sort of thing that makes you wonder if they all read Steve Harvey’s “Think like a man, Act like a Lady.”

I am not pitting Western and Eastern women in this. I think both have their merits and demerits. Again, each to his own. Having said that, this article is about dating Asian women, so I will take the impression that I am not overselling anyone here.

There is an unsettling fetish for Asian women in most Western men. That is factual and worrying. Don’t be that guy. Reports have shown that Asian women are the most sought-after ladies on online dating platforms. As you can imagine they get bombarded by messages and requests, which can be a massive turn-off in the real world.

Most observant individuals and those who have travelled through Asia will tell you that there are very distinct dating habits and patterns when it comes to Asians. Some of it is cultural, while some is based on their religious beliefs. Think of any Asian community, and I can guarantee you that they are encouraged to date and marry their own, without exception. This is not to say that marrying out of their own race or religion is always frowned upon, although it is 99.9% of the time. There are two things that you need to be conscious of when considering dating an Asian individual; social standing and the family name!

Westernisation means that some families living within or out of Asia are no longer living according to these beliefs. A global society has meant that we have all become more and more open minded. Not everyone is open minded, although the younger generation’s mingling has meant that they have drifted away from previous world views that their parents would have carried and passed on to them.

It is more common today than ever before, for Asian people to intermarry with other races. A Chinese girl I was seeing a while ago recognised this phenomenon as a problem in China, as well as other Asian countries. There are brought up to believe that white is better. As a result, they are more inclined to date a white individual than they are to date any other race, if they are to date outside of their own.

I have personally seen this, and benefited from in while travelling in Africa. Globalisation, and colonisation still have us all under its arms. Hahaha enough of the semantics, you should already know that I am a man for equality.

Does this mean that other brown and black man get no play? Not at all, more and more Asian women have become openminded. The challenge still comes down to the acceptance of their family. At times, it’s a case of choosing between dating you or being a part of her family. In the worst of cases it can even be a choice between you and her life. Are you worth that much?

Most Asian parents sacrifice a lot for their children. This is not always done with the children in mind. It is a case of how would I look if I didn’t do this. As a result, the children are also raised to carry that same mantle that the parents had. You cannot mess up their social standing. Marrying an inferior person could potentially do just that. This is more so for the females. Your social standing will come down to your financial worth as well as how you are regarded within the community. A better social standing places you in a prime position to get your Asian girl.

The media is often rife with stories about honour killings. This is when a person is deemed to have robbed the family of their honour, and the price to pay for this is their own life. That alone should tell you the importance that the family name bears within the Asian communities. Some of this comes from culture as well as religion. Christians would not be pleased if you married outside of their faith. You would probably get a few stern words, but in the end get accepted back into the family.

Muslims would not have that. If you marry outside of Islam, you become an apostate. Depending on how serious they take their religion and where in the world they are located the implication could range from being ex-communicated to losing your life.

I realise that there are many variations of Asian, which makes it hard to make any sweeping statements. People are different, even within their own races and communities. Most of what we have said is accurate based on the two largest Asian populations (India and China).

Now onto mine, and your favourite part. Things that will help you succeed when dating Asian women.

My experience:

Dating Asian men in the Western world can be unnerving. Our media has been seen to relentlessly emasculate them or portray them as unsavoury characters. Come off that crap, we have unsavoury characters in every group of people. As Martin Luther King eluded in his “I have a dream” speech, people should be judged on the content of their character, and nothing else.

My only tip on this one is to make sure that you find out their cultural and religious values upfront. Don’t go into it blindly. If you don’t agree on values, you should figure out whether one of you is willing to compromise in order to accommodate the other. In the absence of compromise, things will not work out in the long run.

Consider their family’s place in their life. If you don’t get along with their family, you will need to think long and hard about getting into anything serious with them. If you are simply going for something casual, without any plans of an end goal, your plan can be different.

I personally don’t waste my time dating anyone if I am not trying to create some sort of future with them.

It’s no secret, Asians roll with other Asians. If you want in, you’ve got to find your way in. Do things that you know that they will do, but not merely for meeting them. Only do those things if your actually like them. For instance, don’t try meet South East Asian women by taking up hentai tattoos when you know you are not into that. If she met you doing something, she will expect you to carry on doing it. Either you will start enjoying it, or becoming quite miserable. I’ve met great Asian women through being introduced by some great Asian friends that I have.

The good thing about being introduced by someone within your circles is that, they will have some sort of idea what kind of person you both are. Although this gives no guarantee that things will work out, it is much closer than you may realise. It also provides some sort of damage control, if managed well. Your mutual friend will be able to help you get out of it sooner rather than later if one party is not feeling it. No one wants to have their time wasted.

Here are some suitable places to meet Asian women (online is hardly the best place):

One of the mistakes that most people will make when dating an Asian woman is to assume that they know who she is and what she is about, based on what they have read in the paper, as well as seen on television. As previously stated, listen. Most people live in the cosmopolitan bubble nowadays. We have become multi-cultural by assimilation.

Take London for instance, it would be very silly to consider all Asians in London, based on the preconceptions that you will have picked from elsewhere. Unless you meet the person in Asia, where you know that they have been born and brought up, it is highly unlikely that you will know their story. Don’t assume or pretend that you know what she is about.

Even where religion is concerned, people don’t all carry the same values that we think that their religion is about. Pay attention to them as an individual. Learn about who your woman is. Learn about her personal values, not those thrust upon her. Who is she away from the eyes of her family? Who is she away from the eyes of judgemental society? That person, is the one whom you will be spending most of your time with.

Dr. Brooke Magnanti’s article is worth your time if you want to learn more about this topic.

We would love to hear back from you, about your experience dating Asian women and any thoughts that you may have about this article. If you have questions, you know what to do. Our Facebook and Twitter Pages are now up, so make sure you find us there.

References:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/online-dating/10467315/Online-dating-Asian-girls-Why-do-creepy-white-guys-only-want-to-date-them.html

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/china/8887090/Worlds-largest-dating-event-sees-20000-Chinese-search-for-love.html

http://www.globaltimes.cn/content/982536.shtml

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/jul/09/india-love-revolution-dating-fun-arranged-marriage-apps-tinder