Why I'd date a single mother
Why I would rather date a single mother
She’s been through a lot
Most single mothers have been abandoned by the baby’s
father. They know what it is like to be left to deal with all these things
alone. As a result they have quite a strong personality. You have a fighter on
your hands. And you can always be assured that she will not run off when the
going gets tough. If you give her the loyalty that she did not previously get, you will have hers.
She knows what she wants
This is not always the case, but most single mothers have
seen all the crappy guys, so they know exactly what they are looking for now.
When you date a single mother, you know that she is not still trying to sample
or be sampled. She is looking to settle down and build a stable home for her
kid. She will not let you waste her time, and will not waste yours either.
You will grow
When I dated a single mother, I grew. I started to face
things that I would not have ordinarily faced at such a tender age. For the
first time in my life, I had to accept that a child could be put before me. I
respected her more, for that. Just knowing that she put her child before all
her own needs and pleasures was quite a new experience for me, having always
dated the “divas”. I also learned that maternal instincts are very attractive. There
is comfort in the knowledge that if you ever did have a child with this woman,
she will be a good mother. It is funny that this actually got me thinking about
being a father, not that I thought I was ready, but that when I am, this is the
sort of mother I want for my kids.
She is keen to grow
Most single mothers have had their plans slowed down by the
pregnancy. Some did not have any plans before they got pregnant. Once they have
the child they tend to be more focused. They are out to better their lives and
that of their child. For you, this will means that you have a woman who you can
build something great with. She is very responsive to ideas and open to being
helped along. A focused woman is a great inspiration to have around you. There is a saying that goes "The hunt is always better when the lioness is as hungry!"
I am editing this part of the post to add some answers based on questions that have been asked. There are some added sections below that would not have been there if you read this a while ago.
Dating a Single Mom with a Baby
Dating is hard enough when you are both without child. Things seem to get a lot more complicated when you add a baby into the mix. This is more so if the child is not your own. There are a few notable things that you would want to know and practice in this case.
- Look to understand her situation; is she still hoping for a reunion with the child's father
This let's you know where you stand in the grand scheme of things. If a reunion may be on the cards, you will want to hold your cards very close to your chest. Do not unpack your suitcases just yet. Keep in mind that you may just be a booty call.
- What is the father's involvement in the child's life
You never want to overstep your lane. This question allows you to figure out what your lane is. There are chances that the baby's father may still be actively involved in his child's life. One man to another, you would want to respect that and allow him to father his son.
- Does she need your help with the baby?
Most men will assume that just because they are seeing a single mother, they are expected to take care of the baby as well. That is not always the case. In most cases where the father of the child and the grandparents are actively involved in the baby's life, there is no need for you to jump right in. Let the mother be the one to reel you into it all as and when she is ready for it.
The game changes a bit as the baby grows older. Times where you could come to the house as and when you wanted without the baby really taking notice will be different.
Dating a Single Mom with a Toddler
I stopped bringing girls home to meet my family while I was still quite young. I figured, my sister meets these random women who at the time I think are amazing, she would probably come to the same conclusion. Then, all of a sudden these girls are no longer coming. That's not the sort of thing I want to put anyone through.By the same token, most single moms will not bring you in to meet the child until they think that you are the child are ready for it. This will include considering whether your relationship has a future. When you find yourself dating a single mom who has a toddler, you are guaranteed to have a few things that will need to be considered to make it all work.
- Do I have to meet the toddler?
Emotions are hardly ever in sync, sometimes you lady will think you have reached a place in your relationship, that you think you are no where near reaching. It's even worse when you have no intentions of reaching that place. If you are not sure about the relationship that you are entering with her, do not meet the child! If you do meet the child, make sure it is not an irresponsible introduction that will put thoughts into the kid's mind. Kids are a lot more switched on to these things nowadays, thanks to television and the bloody internet.
- We are serious about each other
If you are sure that you are serious about each other and on the same page about the future, then you may want to start building a relationship with the child. As with the baby, the father's current involvement in the toddler's life should guide your involvement as well. If there is a gap to be filled, fill that gap. The key thing is to approach it from the perspective of a mentor rather than that of someone trying to replace his father.
- Pace yourselves
No matter how responsible she is, there is a risk that she is very volatile. Anyone who has not been appreciated for long will crumb when they finally find the appreciation that they deserve. It is easy for her to drop her guard as well. Don't take advantage of that. Pace her when you think things are starting to move too fast. This assures her that you are there for a long haul, and not just looking for a quickie.
As I mentioned, most of these ladies have been through a
lot. You have to be very sensitive to their needs. They need to know that you
are there to stay, and not like the baby’s father. You will also need to
understand the role of the child’s father in her life. Another thing you may
want to ask yourself is whether you are ready to be a father. This is key,
especially if the baby’s father is not in the child’s life.
That being said, I’d date a single mother if I chose to date
at all. Let’s talk, drop a comment below. If you want any topic covered or want
to ask or give feedback, use our ask me page.
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