Can I be friends with my ex?
Can exes really be friends
Most relationships end in irreconcilable ways. It's always sad to see these romances turn sour. To see the same person who used to give you so much joy suddenly become a source of tremendous pain. As such when such a relationship ends, people often do not even want to see the other one ever again, to be friends would be inconceivable. There's a "but"...but this is not always the case. In some cases people gradually draw apart, perhaps it is distance that drives a wedge between them. A romantic relationship is no longer a possibility, but losing each other completely would be silly, to be polite. There are also cases where the party that has messed up, owns their mistake and wants to have a civil relationship. One in which you can be in the same room without feeling like killing one another. Can I be friends with my ex? I have been asked often. At times it's worded differently "Is it okay that he is still friends with his ex?" "Is it normal that he/she still talks to his/her ex?" Situations are different, but I'll attempt to give an answer to this question. If this article does not cover your specific needs, please feel free to leave a comment below or engage me in our "Ask the Expert" page.
I can be friends with my ex
Some of the people who I would call friends have dated me, one way or another. It's not exactly a common thing in most men, but it is for me. Most of the people who have dated me, have given some of their precious time and tears to an utter moron, pardon my French. I was young. Well, as I have grown older and found comfort in who I am, I have wanted to make right of some of those wrongs. This has led to contacting some of those old flames. As expected it did not always start well, they have grievances, but we were able to resolve these. If you have the motivation and no ulterior motive, you can be friends with your ex, provided the sentiments are shared.
The Sex Factor
If there was sex involved in your relationship, forget friendship. Yes, there will be some anomalies. However for the most part, once the sex factor comes into play, emotions are on another level, and these cannot be reversed. The only time this is possible is when you have both moved on and are happier than you were with each other. That way you can always do the good old double dating.
Hurt
Most relationships end with either one or both parties hurt. In that case, friendship can be very tricky. I have always been a very forgiving person, for reason that I know not! It is easy for me to look past faults, but it is not always easy for the other party. Perhaps this is partly because 99% of the time it was I that was in the wrong. Being admittedly wrong has a way of humbling you. If you hurt him/her, be very careful when pursuing friendship. There is always a possibility of vengeance once you have gotten comfortable and gotten your guards down. If you can avoid it, play safe.
Leave a comment below, let's talk.
-Gary
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