Archive for July 2015

How to cheat, and not get caught

21:06 Unknown 0 Comments A⁺ a^-

Is he/she cheating?

Anyone who has been in any sexual/romantic relationship will have at some point had this nagging thought in their head. It is common for one to wonder whether their partner is in solely theirs. Men and women are constantly going through each other’s phones, diaries, calendars, credit card bills, call history in search of something that will review whether they are being “played” or not. I blame the movies, and all the Series that we have grown up watching. In these things, someone is always skimming against the other, so we end up thinking that this is also the case in our own lives. As such we are always looking for a reason to believe otherwise. We are always looking, although our goal is really not to find anything. I’ll be the first to say I cheated in 99.9% of my relationships. I probably would have been ashamed of it, if it was not for the fact that all my friends always spoke highly of me because of this ability; ability to not develop attachment. I do not in any way condone cheating, I just think if you do not want to be faithful, you should not be with that particular person in the first place. The truth is, if he/she is caught cheating, he/she is not very good at it.

How not to get caught when cheating

I had a blueprint for cheating, while I did it. Firstly I made sure that every girl who was about to get involved with me knew that she may just be making a terrible decision. As a man I thought it was my duty to make this clear to her, so she would not feel victimised in the end. That is not to say that I discouraged her from being with me, not at all. Just warned her against it.

Phone:

One of my close friends would always keep an empty phone. He’d read a text and delete it immediately. Receive a call and clear the call history. That works for some, but I always found that this arouses more suspicion. The key to cheating is making sure that she never has reason to suspect that you are. My phone was always locked, yet I was happy to unlock it upon request. For the most part I had text messages from other girls, but I always had an explanation as to why. I’d even offer to call them if she wanted me to.

Pick one

When you cheat, you should always pick the one girl that you will preserve. She’s that one girl that I would vow that in the event that things go haywire, I get caught up in a love triangle, I would make sure that she was never affected. I did this by making sure that no details of her were ever stored in my phone.

Don’t neglect

Most people get caught cheating because they change when they start cheating. They no longer avail the time that they used to be able to. To evade this issue I always made sure that all females knew that I had limited time, I was ever-busy. As such we would talk at least twice a day. That gave me time to share my time around. None of them was ever neglected. Granted, you would become fonder of one than another. The key here is to make sure you never grow a conscience. Cheating means that you are willing to lose it all in a second. I was. It is quite inhumane, I’ll admit this myself.

Proximity

Perhaps the most significant element in cheating is picking the right women. I always made an effort to never date within the same circles. I am sure these will clash here and there, but that is the basic rule of thumb. Social Media is a NO-NO when you are a cheat. I never shared my social media details and refused to be friends on there as much as possible. My excuse was that it was for business only. I would take the girls out in public, but usually that meant meeting in places or neighbourhood where we knew no one.

Names

I have heard people say, “He/she called me the wrong name.” hahaha I frown upon that sort of negligence. If you are not good with names, this is not going to work for you. Don't you dare forget her/his name and call her/him name by another female/male's name.

Finally

What I learned from all the years of cheating is, how much of a flawed individual it leaves behind when it is all done. To date I have never had a long relationship, my longest is significantly under 6 months. Relationships are built over time. Cheating does not allow you the time to build this up. Love yourself enough to love him/her enough to want to build a great relationship. Don’t cheat guys.

He hits me. I know he loves me

01:08 Unknown 0 Comments A⁺ a^-

No man should hit a woman

I've only ever laid my hand on a woman once in my life. I was about 6 or 7 years old. All she did was follow me around, and I was not having it. When we met again as adults, she looked so good, I would have been proud if she followed me around now. Jokes aside. I find it really amusing that I remember such an ancient occasion, which I could have easily justified on account of my age. After all, I was only 6 or 7. The reason that this has not left me is because I recognise that this is unacceptable at any level. I am yet to have kids, but when I do, my son will know the value of women a tender age. He will see how I treat his mother, and know that the same is expected of him. No matter how awesome your man is, he has no right to lay a hand on you, regardless of what you have done.

Defence

It's sad that most battered women always have a way to defend their man. I cant say I understand it, but I can definitely see why that would be. Perhaps you are staying with him because of the children. To that I say, the more you allow your children to be subjected to that sort of violence, the more they are likely to bring this into their own lives. Your little girl may grow with a venomous hatred for men. You boy may begin to think that this is the way women are kept in check. By staying with a man who hits you, you are not doing your children any favours. As a matter of fact you are placing them in danger, now and in the future.

Threats

When you are harmed, threats become more and more significant when they are said to you. Most abusive men threaten to kill the wife and children if she tries to run away. Yet by staying she is already dying inside. Not only is she already dying, she is killing her children inside, and this cycle can be carried into the next generation.

You are a queen

I just want to remind every woman out there, you are a QUEEN. No matter what you have been through, the fact that you carry a womb makes you royalty. You can bear kings. As such you should know your value. Understand what you are worth. Do not accept any treatment that goes below that standard. I need you to be strong today. I need you to take a stand today. Whatever you refuse to accept, your daughters and sons are also more inclined to refuse to accept. If you would not accept that their father has a right to hit you, they will also refuse that in their own relationships.

If you are not married and the guy already treats you this way, that's a red flag. Leave him now. It will not get easier. Don't let him fool you into staying under the pretence that he will get better. A lion will not become a mouse after it has become married. Wait for a man who knows that you are a gem, and treats you as such.

The only man who should discipline you is your father, even for him fists are not acceptable. He would not discipline you in ways that hurt you, or ways that scar you. He disciplines you in love. If your boyfriend or husband hits you, he does not deserve such a gem as you. Liberate him. Liberate yourself.

As always hit me in the comment box below or on our Ask the expertpage. See you in the next post

Why do I always date dogs? Are all men really dogs?

23:41 Unknown 0 Comments A⁺ a^-

Are all men really dogs?

There are not too many statement I dreading hearing as much as I do this one “All men are dog!!!” It’s usually said with quite a stern voice and very angry face. This is coming from a man who can honestly say, for the most part of my life, I would have gladly accepted that I was a dog. It was all me, I had no regard for anyone else. After all the effort and things I went through to bring about this change that I am today, it offends me to be grouped together with the man who has hurt you. If that statement came from one of the many women I have hurt, I would sincerely apologise, for my folly. I was young! Hahaha, it’s no excuse I truly wish I had not hurt most of the people that I hurt. That being said, I would not take back the experience, it has all come together to make me the man that I am today. I probably would not love, respect and even adore women as much as I do today, if I hadn't messed up so much back then. I digress.

If you always find yourself dating the wrong people, you might need to start checking yourself. I always tell people, “The only person you can really change is yourself, so stop blaming everyone else and start looking into what you can personally do to improve the situations that you find yourself in!” Are all men really dogs? Even your own father? Your granddad? Absolutely not! Let me give you this analogy. If something was rotting and flies kept swarming it, one after the other. No matter how many times it flap them away, another fly would soon find its way. Would it be fair for this rotting object to simply conclude that everything in this world is a fly? After all, it has always been swarmed by flies. It will be idiotic to make such a conclusion. The world is very diverse. Just as you have flies, you also have bees, flowers, drones and so on. If you keep getting the flies, maybe something about you stinks. You attract people based on what you are advertising!

If you would objectively look at yourself and start improving the areas that are not right in you, then things will begin to change around you. It does not matter what has happened in your past, we can all get a new beginning. Some women just end up with the wrong men because they are just too afraid of being alone, and as such find themselves open to whoever approaches them. You've got to start placing a value on yourself. Set a standard that you will not fall below. It is better to be alone than to be with the wrong person, in the wrong relationship.

One of my exes got married about a year ago. I am good friends with her husband. Just seeing them together and thinking how bad we were when we were together constantly reminds me that we miss some great things because we are holding on to the wrong things. Learn to let go of people who are not right for you. Learn to let go of attitudes, behaviours and beliefs that are not right for you. There are some women I really liked until I met their friends. Perhaps that is what is holding you back, the people you keep around you may be the one who attract all these dogs that you constantly find yourself around. You are worth having a great relationship, do not sell yourself short. Not all men are dogs, and you deserve the right man.

I know this will help someone, click the share button, and let someone know. If you want to talk, ask any question, comment below or use our Ask the expert page. See you in the next post.

Selling yourself: Game that gets you the girl/boy

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Selling yourself: game is salesmanship

I often get a message from a friend or someone who has been directed to me by a friend. Most men have the same concerns. “Gary, I like this girl, but I just do not know how to approach her.” Or at times it’s, “Gary, how do I tell this girl I like her without blowing it?” It’s all the same really, we all want to be wanted. At times we have doubts in ourselves. Think about it this way, If you believed more in yourself, would you approach the same women that you are approaching today? My personal answer is “Yes”, but it has not always been a Yes. For you to feel like you have “game”, you have to be at a point where you can effectively sell yourself. For this reason, I feel as though trained salesmen should always be on top of the food chain. That is hardly the case, fortunately for some of us who are untrained in the art of selling.

What are you selling?

Women spend hours shopping for the perfect outfits. I hope no one interprets my next statement the wrong way. Truth be told, most female clothing is made to project the “feminine features that men are attracted to.” That is what women are selling. Push up bras, although deceiving, are in fact projecting a better looking pair of boobs. If you are interested in that, it will grab your attention. The female cosmetic surgery is built on this factor as well. Boob jobs, butt implants, lip fillers and so on. All these things are done to project the things that a female identifies as her selling point. What is your selling point? I have some very wealthy friends, they know their selling point is the money so they simply project that. It works for them. Granted it does not usually attract the women you would ideally want to bring home to meet your mum. Take a pen and pad, write down your selling points. If you can effectively package and present these, whatever they are, you will find the exact type of woman that you are looking for.

Some selling points

The reason I am not a keen gym attendee is probably because, as a youngster I was always given the impression that you go there to get into shape for the females. When I realised I was doing amazingly well in that department, without ever setting foot in a gym, I realised that this would not be my selling point. If your muscles are your selling point, by all means project those, within reason and dignity.

For me, it’s the female smile that always grabs my attention at first. If a woman can project that smile, she’ll have my attention, although it will take more to keep my attention. If it’s the way you dress, then put time into that. Not all of us will have the perfect body, but we all have certain selling factors. No one has ever understood how I dated some gorgeous women, being quite average looking. The simple truth is I know my selling points, and know how to present them.

The power of your selling points

Most of the time, your selling point is tailored to suit the exact type of woman that you have interest in. Boobs are a selling point for almost every man, but I personally would not be interested in the boobs that are just put out there for all to see. Your presentation determines the type of customers that you draw to you. If you think you are always drawing the wrong men or women, look at what you are presenting. That is what they are coming to get!!

As always, thank you for reading this. I know it’ll make an impact on one more person if you share it. Click on the share button. Leave a comment below, or if you want to chat or ask any questions, head over to our “ask the expert page”. See you in the next post tomorrow.

Why I'd date a single mother

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Why I would rather date a single mother

I have been in between 65-100+ relationship, dependent on how you define relationships. Over that time I have constantly built and edited my principles, until they became the ones I have today. Most men would rather not date a single mother. That is understandable, things can be very complicated. This was the same view I held, until a few years ago, I found myself dating a single mother. I had previously consciously made a decision that I would never go down that route. Anyhow she made a few right moves and we started spending more and more time together. Before long I realised that we were heading down a path to something, and that I actually liked her. Needless to say we started seeing each other. Even after it ended I knew single women were not to be ignored. This article will tell you some of my reasons behind that. There are a lot of great things about dating a single mom.

She’s been through a lot

Most single mothers have been abandoned by the baby’s father. They know what it is like to be left to deal with all these things alone. As a result they have quite a strong personality. You have a fighter on your hands. And you can always be assured that she will not run off when the going gets tough. If you give her the loyalty that she did not previously get, you will have hers.

She knows what she wants

This is not always the case, but most single mothers have seen all the crappy guys, so they know exactly what they are looking for now. When you date a single mother, you know that she is not still trying to sample or be sampled. She is looking to settle down and build a stable home for her kid. She will not let you waste her time, and will not waste yours either.

You will grow

When I dated a single mother, I grew. I started to face things that I would not have ordinarily faced at such a tender age. For the first time in my life, I had to accept that a child could be put before me. I respected her more, for that. Just knowing that she put her child before all her own needs and pleasures was quite a new experience for me, having always dated the “divas”. I also learned that maternal instincts are very attractive. There is comfort in the knowledge that if you ever did have a child with this woman, she will be a good mother. It is funny that this actually got me thinking about being a father, not that I thought I was ready, but that when I am, this is the sort of mother I want for my kids.

She is keen to grow

Most single mothers have had their plans slowed down by the pregnancy. Some did not have any plans before they got pregnant. Once they have the child they tend to be more focused. They are out to better their lives and that of their child. For you, this will means that you have a woman who you can build something great with. She is very responsive to ideas and open to being helped along. A focused woman is a great inspiration to have around you. There is a saying that goes "The hunt is always better when the lioness is as hungry!"

I am editing this part of the post to add some answers based on questions that have been asked. There are some added sections below that would not have been there if you read this a while ago.

Dating a Single Mom with a Baby

Dating is hard enough when you are both without child. Things seem to get a lot more complicated when you add a baby into the mix. This is more so if the child is not your own. There are a few notable things that you would want to know and practice in this case.

Look to understand her situation; is she still hoping for a reunion with the child's father

This let's you know where you stand in the grand scheme of things. If a reunion may be on the cards, you will want to hold your cards very close to your chest. Do not unpack your suitcases just yet. Keep in mind that you may just be a booty call.

What is the father's involvement in the child's life

You never want to overstep your lane. This question allows you to figure out what your lane is. There are chances that the baby's father may still be actively involved in his child's life. One man to another, you would want to respect that and allow him to father his son.

Does she need your help with the baby?

Most men will assume that just because they are seeing a single mother, they are expected to take care of the baby as well. That is not always the case. In most cases where the father of the child and the grandparents are actively involved in the baby's life, there is no need for you to jump right in. Let the mother be the one to reel you into it all as and when she is ready for it.

The game changes a bit as the baby grows older. Times where you could come to the house as and when you wanted without the baby really taking notice will be different.

Dating a Single Mom with a Toddler

I stopped bringing girls home to meet my family while I was still quite young. I figured, my sister meets these random women who at the time I think are amazing, she would probably come to the same conclusion. Then, all of a sudden these girls are no longer coming. That's not the sort of thing I want to put anyone through.

By the same token, most single moms will not bring you in to meet the child until they think that you are the child are ready for it. This will include considering whether your relationship has a future. When you find yourself dating a single mom who has a toddler, you are guaranteed to have a few things that will need to be considered to make it all work.

Do I have to meet the toddler?

Emotions are hardly ever in sync, sometimes you lady will think you have reached a place in your relationship, that you think you are no where near reaching. It's even worse when you have no intentions of reaching that place. If you are not sure about the relationship that you are entering with her, do not meet the child! If you do meet the child, make sure it is not an irresponsible introduction that will put thoughts into the kid's mind. Kids are a lot more switched on to these things nowadays, thanks to television and the bloody internet.

We are serious about each other

If you are sure that you are serious about each other and on the same page about the future, then you may want to start building a relationship with the child. As with the baby, the father's current involvement in the toddler's life should guide your involvement as well. If there is a gap to be filled, fill that gap. The key thing is to approach it from the perspective of a mentor rather than that of someone trying to replace his father.

Pace yourselves

No matter how responsible she is, there is a risk that she is very volatile. Anyone who has not been appreciated for long will crumb when they finally find the appreciation that they deserve. It is easy for her to drop her guard as well. Don't take advantage of that. Pace her when you think things are starting to move too fast. This assures her that you are there for a long haul, and not just looking for a quickie.

Warning:

As I mentioned, most of these ladies have been through a lot. You have to be very sensitive to their needs. They need to know that you are there to stay, and not like the baby’s father. You will also need to understand the role of the child’s father in her life. Another thing you may want to ask yourself is whether you are ready to be a father. This is key, especially if the baby’s father is not in the child’s life.

That being said, I’d date a single mother if I chose to date at all. Let’s talk, drop a comment below. If you want any topic covered or want to ask or give feedback, use our ask me page.

Loving her

23:35 Unknown 0 Comments A⁺ a^-

How to show her love

There is a lot of material on what women can do to please men. How to dress for your man. How to make him happy. How to have sex with him and all sorts of things. Growing up, I never really felt that I needed to do anything in my life to please women. Today most men only please women with the intention of getting sex in return. It is widely acceptable, but not really spoken. Until you can pure love to a woman, you are not a man. I feel I became a men, when I finally opened up and loved someone else. I have redefined the word love. Love for me is "giving everything, and expecting nothing back in return". If you love in order to be loved, then that is not love, you're trading. Love is not a trade, it's a sacrifice. I am not saying that everyone is easy to love. It is not meant to be easy, you are an individual, and self is your main focus. To be able to shift that focus from self to another person is not something to be taken lightly. Here are a few ways to love her

Let her know

If your words are the only way that she knows you love her, you have got to check yourself. You are falling short. Your words should come as an affirmations of actions that already show that you love her. When you say you love her, it should not be a surprise, she should already know it. Your actions should bear testimony of this love.

2. Invest in her

This is very simple but very important. If you see a future with her, invest in her. When you invest in her, you are investing in your future. You are investing in the mother of your kids. You are investing in your family. If you do not want to invest in her, then please don’t waste her time. Leave her. When I say “invest”, I don’t necessarily mean financially. Some women just need some encouragement that they did not get elsewhere. She could be better if she knew that she could be. Invest your time in listening to her. Women need that release. To be able to pour their hearts out is therapeutic.

3. Believe in her

The only woman I ever wanted to marry was the one woman I truly believed in. For other reasons, it did not work out. My belief in her propelled her. Your belief in your woman will propel her. If you believe in her, it will make it easier for you to invest in her. I have found in my experience most women are hurt. They are carrying a lot of pain in their hearts. Pain from parents and past relationships. She needs to know that you believe in her. As a keen business person, I have always been excited by the prospect of my woman being in business. If she has great ideas, help her build them. If the ideas are not as good, encourage her and help her improve those ideas. Do not just speak her down.

There are so many ways to love. These are just a few of the ways. How do you show you love? Drop a comment below. If you have questions, use our ask me page.

Women are word stimulated

21:57 Unknown 0 Comments A⁺ a^-

As a kid I'd watch movies and look up to the guy who got the girl. He was always muscular, witty and at times rich. I soon realised that I was hardly any of these things. So to make up for it, I went out of my way to be funny. It was almost natural to me. I almost always had something to say, something to put a smile on everyone's face. That was not enough for me, I wanted to have the muscles. Seeing as I was not allow in the gym at that age, I resolved to wait until I was the right age then I'd gate that six pack that women were crazy about. Unfortunately by the time that age came, it was too late. I had found something else. I had discovered something that has defined me as a man. It's only four words. "Women are word stimulated." I can't quite remember where I first heard it, but it became mine. I possessed it, and lived it. Of course it went on to talk about what stimulates men, but that did not interest me at all.

Women are word stimulated: How to use it

If I said it was genetically coded in the females to find words more appealing than most other things, I would probably be wrong. Yet it Science could never prove that I am wrong. So I'll say I am right. The fact that women are word stimulated means that every word that comes out of your mouth has a purpose. You are either building or breaking your image in her eyes with everything that you say. Choose your words wisely. You may not see the effects right away, but I have counseled couples who have issues that came from words the man said years ago and never realised the damage that he had done to his woman. If you know what to say, and how to say it, you will never struggle to get women.

Think Like a Man

If you have watched the movie, "Think Like a Man" based on Steve Harvey's book, you'll know that when you say the right things with no intentions of following up, it will catch up with you. If you are not in it, do not make her believe that you are.

Finally, words will only come out based on your confidence. If you are confident, you'll be more creative. Forget the what you are not, if you have a mouth that can speak, and a mind that can come up with the words, you have what it takes. Remember, women are word stimulated.

Let's talk, drop a comment below. If you have questions, use our ask me page.