Archive for 2017

The Dating Questions You have Always Wanted Answers To

00:40 0 Comments A+ a-

Getting Dating Answers


We gathered some of the most asked questions on the web when in comes to relationship and dating. The great part is that the questions are formatted in such a way that they are easy to read and to understand. They are questions that most of us would have at some point heard asked, if not asked them ourselves. I will try to tackle them one at a time without making to post too long for anyone to follow. 

This is real stuff that we all encounter. The sort of questions you'd wish you could take down to your granny's for some timeless advice. Well, rest easy, good old Gary will play your granny just this once. 

Dating Questions Answered Tips

Should I send my ex an apology letter letting her know how sorry I am for the things I did to hurt her?


There are two reasons why someone would want to apologise to their ex after a break up. Well, there are many reasons that may be beneath the surface, but only two main ones. You are either going to do it for yourself or for her. There are the few that will think that they are doing it only for her or for both of you. Shut your mouth! Hahaha. Are we suddenly so noble that we think we ought to backtrack on the ones we have stepped over?

The simple answer to the question, regardless of reason is "yes" you should apologise to your ex, if you truly mean it. Only if you truly mean it. Heck, there are a few women I wish I could apologise to today, but will never ever have the chance to. 

I'd do it for her, so she can know that it wasn't her fault. Many victims blame themselves in the aftermath. It works a treat, just to make sure they know that, you, and only you are the piece of shit. Whether you have changed or not is irrelevant. She doesn't need to know that you miss her, that takes away from the apology. It switches the essence to a view that you are apologising in the hope of getting another chance. 

I'm all for getting second chances, but that should never be the main driving force for any apology. If it is, then you shouldn't apologise at all. 

The second reason for apologising is quite selfish, although it may benefit both parties. Some will apologise because they want to clean their conscience of the guilt that they have carried past the relationship. Do you though!


My boyfriend left his ex for me. We started dating 6 months ago, when he said he had left his girlfriend. He does not want to tell her about us. Why?


Dee-1, you know the guy who did that "Sallie May Back song?", yeah, that guy. He said something that I've held onto for a long time now. I quote, "I live by the words that a wise man once told me, if she cheated on her ex with you, and now she's next to you. Honey the next ex is you."

Your scenario could be slightly different here. In the sense that he left his ex for you. The only reason why he wouldn't want her to know about you two would be either he is cheating on one or both of you, or he is secretly hoping for a reunion with his ex. Either of the two reasons is pretty crap. 

You don't deserve to hold yourself ransom in such a situation. In his defence though, why does his ex need to know his business. She's in the past and should be left to remain there. Dragging her forward with you will only cause problems.


Would you date someone less educated than you?


I don't know the stats but I'd say 9/11 relationships involve one person who is more educated than the other. How do you define education though? Is it the pieces of papers one gets awarded at the end of a programme? Not everyone will attend those programmes, some of the smartest people don't have those papers to show. Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, Richard Branson, Gary Venickic, might I go on?

Yeah I would date someone less or more educated than me. Relationships are about partnering. People have strengths that those pieces of papers would never be able to tell us about. 

My girlfriend wanted to join Tinder. So I have broken up with her. Have I done anything wrong?


Good on you, my son. I cannot understand why anyone who is in a relationship would want to join Tinder. Unless you are both into that, and create a "couple's" profile. 

Monogamy seems to be on the downward nowadays, so I'd make sure we are clear with your lady that this is only a two person shindig. If you can't agree on that very important point, you are better apart. What was her reason for joining Tinder anyway? I'd love hear a good reason for that. 


How can I tackle the parents of my girlfriend who are not accepting me?


The honest truth is some parents will never be approving of whom their son/daughter date. They either already have someone in mind or just don't think you are good enough. I'll propose a few methods. I can't promise that they'll work, but you've got to try. 

  1. Get your girl to find out why they don't approve of you and see if it is something that you can change. In some cases it may be an honest misunderstanding on their part. In which case, you can smooth it out.
  2. Make an effort to impress them. A few gifts here and there. Bringing their daughter back home in good time and decent shape. Asking for permission for things other guys wouldn't both to. For instance, if you will be out late, make it a point to be the one who calls them to apologise and promise to personally bring her back. 
  3. If nothing works, either break it off, be defiant or elope. At least start by threatening to, well, not you, the daughter to her parent.


My girlfriend threatens to kill herself if I breakup with her. Are there any legal actions I should take before ending the relationship?


That's a pretty easy fix in my books. Have a word with her parents. Unless they too are psychos. Legally, there isn't much that can be done in that case. If she threatens to harm if cause you any harm, then the slow wheels of justice may start to turn. 

Oh, is there a reason that she thinks you want to break up with her?

Should I forget about a guy I'm keen on who has a girlfriend and chats with me regularly?


If he has a girlfriend and still chats with you that's a cause for concern. It would depend on the nature of chatting that you two have. Is he just being friendly with you? Is he flirting and showing interest in you. 

If it's the former, chill out. Let the man be human. He doesn't have to be single to have female friends. If it is the latter, run. A man who won't respect his girl when he is with her will be unlikely to respect you either once you have taken her place, if you ever take her place. 

What is the coolest way to handle a man hitting on your girlfriend/wife?


I've encountered this a few times and handled it differently each time. It's one of those in the spur of the moment things for me. 

  1. While one guy was chatting to my lady, clearly trying his luck I just walked and stood in on the conversation. He notices soon and excuses himself. 
  2. My girl would usually come and wraps her arms around me from behind and be awkward, that seemed to work too. 
  3. There's the kissing option. Just asked the guy to excuse you and lean in for a kiss.
  4. My usual one is to simply ask that I get my lady back as soon as he is done talking with her. I'd then stand a meter or so away and wait. That works like a charm. 

My boyfriend said he wants a break but unfriended me on social media. I texted him the next day & he left me on read and blocked me. Should I leave?


It's pretty immature in his part. On your part as well, if the man asked for a damn break, give him a damn break. If you keep hounding him this way after he's asked for a break, there may be a reason he wants some time out. He needs space to breathe. Learn to be happy alone, without needing constant companionship or acknowledgement. 


My girlfriend is asking me to choose between my startup and her. What should I do?


Chances are one of the two will not work out. If your relationship works out, your startup will have to take a backseat, which will kill it as well.

I am not the most exemplary human in these cases, but it'd be the startup that stays for me. You want a woman who will be able to support you and understand while you chase your dreams. All the best with the startup. 

You may of course be in love and be torn in your decision. There is a saying, you can always get women when you have money, but you cannot always get money when you have women. Ponder on it.

My boyfriend does not like to see me more than a week per month. Is that normal?


I guess it'll depend on what you guys do when you see each other so often. If it's purely sexual, I'd need some days off. It's a scary feeling to let one thing take so much of your time, even if it is a person that you adore.

If you guys hang out and have fun, then I'd certainly be up for seeing you more than one week a month. What it comes down to is this, is he your friend? Or merely a lover? If he's a friend and considers you to be his friend then seeing you often won't bother him. Our lovers are more restrictive, we want to breathe ever so often, that will mean some time away from their physical presence. It's hard enough being smothered over the phone, for some man. 


Why don't guys pursue women anymore?


I've already done an entire post to answer this one, and am sure you will be able to find it here:
http://relationshipsexpert.blogspot.com/2017/07/why-dont-guys-pursue-women-anymore.html


Best Dating Ideas College Students

03:21 0 Comments A+ a-

Dating Ideas College Students

If you are reading this, I will take it that your college/university days are upon you and you would like to get a leg up on the game before you rush into it blindly. I admire that, and wish a lot more people would invest some time into figuring how to conduct themselves to make the most of their time at university/college. Granted, your university experience will be unique, and somewhat determined by your past experiences. The more you know, the better prepared you will be to deal with all that is thrown at you. 

Thanks to the number of college movies that we have all watched, college is earmarked as the time that it all goes down. Our expectations are so high, we expect to be boozing and having wild nights with all sort of girls. We also expect it to be the time that we meet "the one". You should already know that I do not subscribe to the notion of the "one", but that's a different post altogether. Dating ideas college students need to know about. I would like to also take the pleasure of bursting some of your bubbles. I will be as gentle as possible. College days will undoubtedly be some of your best days in this lifetime, so make the most of them. Forge the best of alliances.

My college dating experience


I moved to a new college just before starting university. As you will already know, that's quite an experience in itself. You will meet a lot of new people, define yourself all over again. You get to rewrite your own story, without the burden of a reputation or none of that. 

Have of my time in college was spent helping other guys find their way through the maze that relationships can be. I did end up seeing someone in the end. There is dating, and seeing someone. We were seeing each other. I enjoyed it while it lasted, and don't regret it one bit. We built a lot of memories, shared of lot of amazing moments in equally amazing places. In my books, she'll always be remembered, but, I don't know if that will be the case for her as well. See, we don't talk anymore. 

No, I didn't mess this one up, like I had done to all else before her. Thanks to our busy lives and being based on opposite sides of the country, we never have to run into one another. I don't want to know how that will make me feel. Enough of that crap! That's my college experience. I can guarantee yours will not be similar to mine, for I had done all the partying before college and university. I also went to a college in a smaller city than where I am from, so it just wasn't the same. The clubs were not as good as the ones in my town. To put it lightly, these things no longer tickled my fancy. While others would have crazy nights out, I preferred spending that time and money on dinner dates where possible. Some may argue that the fact that I am not much of a boozer compounded this. 


Should I date while at college/university

Should I date while at college/university 


I don't think dating should be approached from a perspective of "I shall/shan't" do it. It should be, I met someone I want to be with, so I will be with them. Outside of that, you will spend too much time getting your heartbroken by morons who wouldn't get time of day with you, if you were not out to date. If you do meet someone who you really like, again, I will stress, GO FOR IT!! Why not, you are only in college that one time. 

Should I date someone on my course


Time constraints are what usually determine whether or not relationships work out in college/university. Dating someone on your course will mean that they will understand the demands that your work places on you. They will never have moments where they think you are avoiding spending time with them, when you are not. Unless of course, they are just super needy, in which case I'd advise you to steer clear. Ain't no body got time for that in college. 

If they are doing a different course that requires more time commitment than yours, work with them at it. Do some of your work while they do theirs. Join them in the library when you can. Support them through the stressful periods. They should know that they can rely on you. If they are a good man/woman, they'll give their life to keep you around. They don't mass produce men/women like that nowadays. They are limited edition!


Shall I have sex with my college/university mate?


Nice of you to invite me to help you make bedroom decisions, especially those that don't involve me. It's easier to be clearer of thought in such instances. 

Universities and colleges bring people together from all walks of life. You will have different principles, beliefs, faiths, and moral campuses. Be weary of that. You should never feel the need to have sex with someone else if you do not want to. That's essentially rapping yourself! If you are not game, for sex, leave it at that! Of course, he or she may/will find someone else who is game. That's just not the mate you want for yourself long term. You want someone who is willing to meet you halfway, someone who will respect your beliefs, and support you at them. 


Ideas for dates for college students 


Most people I went to college with were stone broke! Yes they could afford their rent most of the times, with a little help here and there from the bank of "mom and dad", but they barely made it month to month. Be mindful of that when planning to date.

It obviously helps if your partner is understanding of your circumstances. You don't want to have to use your rent money to buy an expensive bag or get spoiler put on his car. 

College student first date ideas


Your first date is usually very important in most relationships. You want to make sure that you seal this deal in the longer term, and not end it here. 

  • Don't take her to Mc Donald's or some sort of drive by place, unless she's that kind of girl.
  • Be cautious about inviting her/him to your home for the date. I've had bad stories of people who have been robbed in such cases. And, if she's a conservative kind of girl, she may think you are looking to rush her into the sheets.
  • Consider making it a group date. She brings a friend, you do the same. 
  • First dates don't always have to involve food. I'm trying to save you money here.
  • If she's bringing her friend, make sure you bring a civilised friend as well. Not one of your bottom of the barrel ones. 
  • Pull her aside at the start of the date to make sure you know the status of her friend, and guide your friend's actions. 
  • You don't have to always try to score on your first date. Be classy, my son!

Money saving date ideas for college students


  • Learn to cook. It doesn't take much effort, believe me, I have tried. Whip up some signature dishes every once in a while. Most of those £50 meals only cost about £5 to make. 
  • Stock up on good wine. This was my personal favourite one. You will spend less time out, in bars that cost you a fortune. 
  • It's ok to allow her to pay sometimes, you are a gentleman, we know. You are also broke, and we know that too.
  • While we are on the cooking, take turns to cook when it's date night. It can be in whoever's place has the better kitchen, but take turns. It enhances intimacy. You should also cook together. Try out a new recipe together. Make a mess of it together, if you will.
  • Take her along to something that you would usually do without her. My thing was chess. She learned to play, and came to watch me play. This will also give you an added area of conversation and shared interest.
  • Play a team sport together. Think doubles tennis or something of that sort.
  • Building something together. Watch some craft videos and get cheap material that you can use to try and build it with. Hack, go for recycling material. My friend built a great bedside cabinet from discarded wood. His only cost was a port that he added to it. 
  • Picnics and camping weekends can also save you a ton of cash, but bring invaluable time together. Do some shopping in the grocer and you are good to go. 

The truth is, we will all change in college/university and continue to change in the years after it. However, whomever you become in college is not going to be too far from the person you end up being for the rest of your life. Think about that and take it into your relationships. Older guys will always be on the prowl for younger and naive girls. Don't fall victim to that. I will not go as far as to say that you must not date older guys at all, there are some fine men and women out there that you should not pass up on. 

college dating

Attachment


A lot of people come into college carrying hurt from past relationships into their new ones. You know the old saying "Hurt people, hurt people," yeah you do not want to become a victim. Most relationships started at university/college will not last, so do not go into it with unrealistic expectations. 

You will have people who will break up with you today and be with someone else the next day. It will hurt, you will grow from it. One will grow bitter, while another will take lessons from it into the next relationship. I pray that you will be the latter. 

College is also the best place to start to advocate for the love that you want. Most of us just assume that our lovers will guess what we desire and go on to meet those desires. That is such a ridiculously misguided notion. If you ask me, this is the reason women are the way always said to expect men to read their minds.

Feel free to score a meal or two when you can. Guys will ask you out on dates when they can, go for it. It never hurts to get to know that one extra person. You do not know when or whom you will fall in love with. Be careful not to lead anyone on. If you know for sure that you are not interested, make it clear. College guys like all other guys will have expectations for anything that they give out. Be weary of that. 

If you are already in a relationship with someone back home when you get to university, don't let that become a reason for you to remain locked in. Skype calls are great, but you ought to venture out and have some fun. Hang out with you university friends.

Lastly, not everyone will be monogamous. Most people want to come and have as many experiences as they can at college. You are likely to get cheated on, but that's ok. It's an experience that you need to treasure. You should be as understanding as possible, avoid becoming attached to the wrong person. Learn to love yourself enough to not let yourself be taken advantage of. Determine your own value right from the start, and never let anyone undervalue you.


Let me end this by throwing your stats your way: 

  • 63% of women in college hope to meet their life partner
  • One in every four students has an STI



Would love to hear from you, comment below or ask questions if you have any. I'd also like to hear some of your college dating ideas. 

Your ultimate guide to Asian Dating

02:13 0 Comments A+ a-

Asian Dating


There is always some truth in every stereotype. Some truth may be misguided, as things and people change over a prolonged period. Unfortunately, stereotype take much longer to change. Generations pass on the crap that they believed about another group, so the next generation will believe it until they have a chance to open their own eyes in pursuit of their own truth. It is not always found, but we must never stop looking. I have never viewed any race to be inferior to my own, which has made it incredibly easy to find the beauty in everyone. Don’t miss out on the world’s pleasures because of misconceptions. Seek your own truth.

Asian Dating

Japanese men and women are neither dating nor having sex


Over 40 percent of Japanese men between the ages of 18-34 were reported to have claimed to have never had sex. Over 60 percent claim to be single. Their reasons for this uncommon phenomenon ranged from men who were afraid of rejection, so turned their attention to other things instead of pursuing women. Even the women who seemed to be open and sexually active claimed that the men seemed as though they couldn’t be bothered. I mean why would they bother, they have animation? I don’t know what sort of trauma I’d have had to go through to trade boobs for anime.

Japanese men and women are neither dating nor having sex


This is not just limited to men, one of the women interviewed by the BBC also said that she had no desire for sex. Nope, you didn’t read that wrong, she has zero interest in sex, she’d rather be partying and drinking with her friends. Anyone in the West will tell you that those two go hand in hand here, sex and partying. She said she felt that having a boyfriend would restrict her from having fun, that she wouldn’t be able to party as much as she would like. What kind of squares are the men that she run into? To be fair, it is quite impressive that she’s up for boozing but not sex. Each man/woman to his/her own.

What does this mean for everyone else? Seeing as this issue seems to be more prevalent in women than men, there may be a case where women will be pushed to date outside of their race, not by choice, but necessity. I am not sure how I would feel about someone dating me out of necessity. You know, a relationship of convenience on their part. Does that mean that they will move on as soon as they run into someone within their category of choice? If you are both in it for the same reasons, perhaps that is fair enough.

Cite

Indian Dating

You know that saying, give a man a mask and he will show you who he really is? I believe online dating is the clearest snapshot that we get into who people really are. Culturally, casual dating is frowned upon in the Indian community. This is why arranged marriages are still the most prevalent route of marriage. We are not to be naïve enough to think that no one is going against the mould. It is clear that, Indian who live outside of India will in some ways assimilate the local culture of the place that they are living in. I’ve always had mixed feeling about this, one part of me feels as though some authenticity is robbed, whereas assimilation also makes it easier for us to get along.

Most Indian parents are super protective of their daughters, so you want to be mindful of that. I found a good approach to be one of making sure that you come clean right from the get go, if you are looking for something long term. If they don’t like you, that’s okay, at least you know right away. If the fathers know that they can trust you, you are good to go!

Indian Dating


The top Indian dating sites facilitate for offline meetings, in an attempt to take things from the Western online chats that may drag on until people decide whether or not they would actually like to meet up. This plays along with the cultural belief that encourages that couples meet within a curated and safe environment, where the two can get to know one another, with no hanky-panky on the cards.
To get approval from the father before asking his daughter out would totally get you lad points. If he was to say no, you would then have to decide whether the girl is worth defying her father with or not.
The Guardian reported that the world of online dating is stirring up a revolution in India. One that is seeing more and more young men and women date casually, without the express intention of getting married. They are starting to do things the western way.
Cite, Cite



Chinese Dating

Online dating is reported to have grossed over $1.6 billion in Asia’s most densely populated country. Like other parts of Asia, Chinese young adults have an expectation that most children must bear from their parents. They are expected to marry! The family name must carry on, the parents want to become grandparents. That is what society expects of them.

In most cases their relationships are built on the basis of statistics. They are not really looking for the most attractive female/male to date, rather the one who they would live comfortably with. By comfortably I mean financially. This is not your regular gold-digger type of situation. For the most part, both parties have things going for them. They have a decent career, decent income, and just want someone who will come in and not leech off them. They are looking for someone who they can have a family with. It is almost a strict business transaction. The ideal person should tick certain boxes to be accepted. There are Chinese government regulations that were put in place, for the express reason of culling marriage for money.

Based on their population, I believe this is a luxury that they can still afford, where other people may not be able to. This is what the Marriage and Love Expo is built on. Parents come to these events as well, to try and pick the perfect mate for their child. Fast paced cities build people who no longer have time to pursue relationships.  

The pressure of marriage is somewhat unreasonable, as there will be an estimated 20 million more men than women in China. I would assume that this is a direct result of the one child policy which saw most families prefer to have a male child.

Expats from the US, Africa and Europe use dating apps as a means of meeting Chinese women, which will perhaps somewhat offset the deficit that is expected to be there by 2020. For most ex pats meeting locals can be quite a complex proposition. The dating apps help alleviate the barriers that would otherwise forbid relationships from being forged. I’d personally struggle with the language barrier in China, even though I find the women to be ridiculously attractive.

Chinese Dating

Put me on an app, and give me Google translate, and I am a Casanova. I will have the time to translate our conversations before I respond to them. Hmmm, smart huh?

To top it all up, Chinese women are generally more keen to get things going than those in the West. Western culture has that implied etiquette where the man is expected to make the first move. I like making the first move in general, but don’t mind the few times that women take the lead. I am not one of those men who find it intimidating for women to take the lead.  

The approach is also very different between the Western and Chinese women. The first conversation with Western ladies tends to centralise on good old banter. They want to figure out whether they like the sort of conversation that the guy has, is he funny and so on.

On the other hand, conversations with Chinese woman seem to be anchored on the future. They are not after hanky-panky for the most part. What do you do for a living? Where do you live? Do you own the place that you reside in? what are your plans for the future? You know, the sort of thing that makes you wonder if they all read Steve Harvey’s “Think like a man, Act like a Lady.”

I am not pitting Western and Eastern women in this. I think both have their merits and demerits. Again, each to his own. Having said that, this article is about dating Asian women, so I will take the impression that I am not overselling anyone here.

The Asian Fetish

There is an unsettling fetish for Asian women in most Western men. That is factual and worrying. Don’t be that guy. Reports have shown that Asian women are the most sought-after ladies on online dating platforms. As you can imagine they get bombarded by messages and requests, which can be a massive turn-off in the real world.

Asian Dating Culture

Most observant individuals and those who have travelled through Asia will tell you that there are very distinct dating habits and patterns when it comes to Asians. Some of it is cultural, while some is based on their religious beliefs. Think of any Asian community, and I can guarantee you that they are encouraged to date and marry their own, without exception. This is not to say that marrying out of their own race or religion is always frowned upon, although it is 99.9% of the time. There are two things that you need to be conscious of when considering dating an Asian individual; social standing and the family name!

Westernisation means that some families living within or out of Asia are no longer living according to these beliefs. A global society has meant that we have all become more and more open minded. Not everyone is open minded, although the younger generation’s mingling has meant that they have drifted away from previous world views that their parents would have carried and passed on to them.
It is more common today than ever before, for Asian people to intermarry with other races. A Chinese girl I was seeing a while ago recognised this phenomenon as a problem in China, as well as other Asian countries. There are brought up to believe that white is better. As a result, they are more inclined to date a white individual than they are to date any other race, if they are to date outside of their own.

I have personally seen this, and benefited from in while travelling in Africa. Globalisation, and colonisation still have us all under its arms. Hahaha enough of the semantics, you should already know that I am a man for equality.

Does this mean that other brown and black man get no play? Not at all, more and more Asian women have become openminded. The challenge still comes down to the acceptance of their family. At times, it’s a case of choosing between dating you or being a part of her family. In the worst of cases it can even be a choice between you and her life. Are you worth that much?

Social Standing


Most Asian parents sacrifice a lot for their children. This is not always done with the children in mind. It is a case of how would I look if I didn’t do this. As a result, the children are also raised to carry that same mantle that the parents had. You cannot mess up their social standing. Marrying an inferior person could potentially do just that. This is more so for the females. Your social standing will come down to your financial worth as well as how you are regarded within the community. A better social standing places you in a prime position to get your Asian girl.

Family Name


The media is often rife with stories about honour killings. This is when a person is deemed to have robbed the family of their honour, and the price to pay for this is their own life. That alone should tell you the importance that the family name bears within the Asian communities. Some of this comes from culture as well as religion. Christians would not be pleased if you married outside of their faith. You would probably get a few stern words, but in the end get accepted back into the family.
Muslims would not have that. If you marry outside of Islam, you become an apostate. Depending on how serious they take their religion and where in the world they are located the implication could range from being ex-communicated to losing your life.

I realise that there are many variations of Asian, which makes it hard to make any sweeping statements. People are different, even within their own races and communities. Most of what we have said is accurate based on the two largest Asian populations (India and China).

Dating Asian Women


Now onto mine, and your favourite part. Things that will help you succeed when dating Asian women.

My experience:
·         Some of the cultures are very constricting for women, allow her to flourish. Let her know that she is free to fly when she is with you.

·         Like all other women, she will need to know that she has your undivided attention and love.
·         Listen; some of the cultural practices silence the voices of women. Pay attention to her. Let her know that she is welcome to speak to you, and that you will not disregard what she says.

Dating Asian Men


Dating Asian men in the Western world can be unnerving. Our media has been seen to relentlessly emasculate them or portray them as unsavoury characters. Come off that crap, we have unsavoury characters in every group of people. As Martin Luther King eluded in his “I have a dream” speech, people should be judged on the content of their character, and nothing else.

My only tip on this one is to make sure that you find out their cultural and religious values upfront. Don’t go into it blindly. If you don’t agree on values, you should figure out whether one of you is willing to compromise in order to accommodate the other. In the absence of compromise, things will not work out in the long run.

Consider their family’s place in their life. If you don’t get along with their family, you will need to think long and hard about getting into anything serious with them. If you are simply going for something casual, without any plans of an end goal, your plan can be different.
I personally don’t waste my time dating anyone if I am not trying to create some sort of future with them.

Meet Asian Women


It’s no secret, Asians roll with other Asians. If you want in, you’ve got to find your way in. Do things that you know that they will do, but not merely for meeting them. Only do those things if your actually like them. For instance, don’t try meet South East Asian women by taking up hentai tattoos when you know you are not into that. If she met you doing something, she will expect you to carry on doing it. Either you will start enjoying it, or becoming quite miserable. I’ve met great Asian women through being introduced by some great Asian friends that I have.

The good thing about being introduced by someone within your circles is that, they will have some sort of idea what kind of person you both are. Although this gives no guarantee that things will work out, it is much closer than you may realise. It also provides some sort of damage control, if managed well. Your mutual friend will be able to help you get out of it sooner rather than later if one party is not feeling it. No one wants to have their time wasted.

Here are some suitable places to meet Asian women (online is hardly the best place):
·         Asian sports clubs, the ICC world cup matches would have been an ideal place.
  • ·         Community Clubs
  •        Asian events: tag along to a wedding, a birthday party or something of that sort. People are usually quite open at such events.

Dating Event

Just like the one in China, there are quite a few events held in the UK and the US for the sole purpose of getting Asian young men and women to meet other Asian young men and women. I don't suppose there is any reason at all that an eligible bachelor or bachelorette such as yourself could not attend them. Any good Asian connection will let you tag along! 

Be culture conscious


One of the mistakes that most people will make when dating an Asian woman is to assume that they know who she is and what she is about, based on what they have read in the paper, as well as seen on television. As previously stated, listen. Most people live in the cosmopolitan bubble nowadays. We have become multi-cultural by assimilation.

Take London for instance, it would be very silly to consider all Asians in London, based on the preconceptions that you will have picked from elsewhere. Unless you meet the person in Asia, where you know that they have been born and brought up, it is highly unlikely that you will know their story. Don’t assume or pretend that you know what she is about.

Even where religion is concerned, people don’t all carry the same values that we think that their religion is about. Pay attention to them as an individual. Learn about who your woman is. Learn about her personal values, not those thrust upon her. Who is she away from the eyes of her family? Who is she away from the eyes of judgemental society? That person, is the one whom you will be spending most of your time with.

Dr. Brooke Magnanti’s article is worth your time if you want to learn more about this topic.


We would love to hear back from you, about your experience dating Asian women and any thoughts that you may have about this article. If you have questions, you know what to do. Our Facebook and Twitter Pages are now up, so make sure you find us there.

References:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/online-dating/10467315/Online-dating-Asian-girls-Why-do-creepy-white-guys-only-want-to-date-them.html
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/china/8887090/Worlds-largest-dating-event-sees-20000-Chinese-search-for-love.html
http://www.globaltimes.cn/content/982536.shtml
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/jul/09/india-love-revolution-dating-fun-arranged-marriage-apps-tinder

Why don't guys pursue women anymore?

00:05 0 Comments A+ a-

Men pursue women no more 


When you have styled yourself as somewhat of a Casanova over the years your start getting questions that you don't think have basis of being directed at you. "Why don't guys pursue women any more?" One person asked me over tables while we sipped on our coffees. I gave some reasons at the time, but kept thinking about it. What has changed in men and women that causes men to pursue women less than they used to.
  

Dating advice from the elderly


Dating advice from the elderly

Most of what I know about relationships comes from sitting at the feet of the elderly. As they discuss their youth, and concerns for the present generation, I glean and learn as much as I can. Granted, I find some of their views to be off the mark. Times have changed, so have people. Some things that worked for our grandparents and even our parents will not work for us. The aim is never to replicate as is, but rather to get principles from the way that they did things. It is those principles that are timeless and can be applied today.

Years ago, I recall at least 3 elderly men telling me about how they had pursued their lady for a long time. The longest was 3 years! 3 years of pursuing someone? 

They had obstacles that we don't have in our times. At times, the girls didn't have a phone at home, so they'd have to find a way to run into her. You know, what might be considered stalking nowadays. 

Older brothers, cousins and father were much more protective of their girls in those days. The boy in pursuit would either have to gain their approval or play cat-and-mouse with them the entire time. 

The result of all of this were marriages that lasted much longer. Couples that were left with no doubt as to how their partner felt about them. I mean, if you can spend 3 years just focussed on me, what are the odds that you would venture elsewhere? Persevering through rejection, beating, threats and so on, you deserve a medal! These were the true heroes.

What's happened to men in our generation


It’s often phrased as, “What’s wrong with men of today?” Well, I wish I could give a satisfactory answer to that. Some will even go as far as to say that there is crisis of manhood in our generation. They don’t make men like they used to! I’d argue the same applies to women in some ways. Except that we are a product of the environment and conditions in which we are raised. We cannot get today’s women to be the same as the women who had to fight for their right to vote, their right to be viewed as a human being, their right for equality. Don’t get me wrong, I will clarify this before I am misquoted. Today’s women have their own struggles; they are still fighting for equal pay. The struggle has evolved.


Women have become more available


Trevor Noah gives a splendid example of this in his book, Born a Crime. He explains how the internet has made porn more readily available. Not too long ago, we would have to wait for ages for a dial-up-connection to load up a porn image. Nowadays we have videos at our fingertips. There is not as much effort required for one to connect with women.

Do you remember the days when you could live in a neighbourhood and never meet or know the stunning girl from the next street? Yeah, I do too. Tinder and other location based apps have come to our aid in that regard. It used to be easier to cheat as well, as long as the females didn’t go to the same schools, churches, and so on.

Men and women alike are bombarded with a plethora of potential mates on a day to day basis. There is less and less of an incentive for faithfulness. Dr. Seltzer explores this subject in his article for Psychology today.

Men are visually stimulated, that is one of their main arousal routes. They see – they like what they see – they are inclined to take action. In this regard, men are seeing more women than ever before, but it is also uncommonly easy to reach these women than ever before. Women have become more available.

Men and brothers have slacked off


The direct result of women becoming too easily available, is that men no longer have to feel the need to “work for it”. They can be lazy and still get girls. Nowadays we are no longer confined to our own towns, cities or even countries. I can easily begin and maintain a relationship with anyone within Europe. It’s only a few hours flight anyway, which would likely be the time that it’d take me to drive from one end of London to another anyway.

Whatever happened to those good men? The sort of good men who fathers would want to give their children’s hand in marriage? Honestly? There are still a lot of good men around, I know quite a few of them. I will admit that I too did see myself slack at one point. It wasn’t because I didn’t have a woman that deserved my attention. Neither was it because she wasn’t the fairest about, dammit, she was a beauty!

It comes down to how loyal one is. When I had the ideal girl, I was satisfied but also bolder. It made me chase other girls willy nilly. Not because of genuine interest in them, but just because I could. I have the best girl, so the rest should just follow. In the end, you are in danger of losing both birds, when you make yourself that one stone that chases two birds.

It is easier to reach the ladies now


Remember when we had to make calls to landlines? When you would ring the girl’s home number, only for the father to answer and grill you? Do you remember the way you would then try to speak like a girl when anyone else besides your intended picked up?

Things have become much easier, God bless technology. We have all the social networks, where we can track down girls whose telephone numbers we haven’t had a chance to get.

The options have become limitless 


Further than this, the options have become limitless. We have no boundaries of who we can fall in love with. Our circles are larger than they have ever been, larger than they would have been a decade ago. We connect with friends of friends of friends on social media. This is where a chunk of relationships come from.

Society is more accepting of break ups and things not working out. 


Society is more accepting of break ups


Older generations will tell you that their relationships were not as smooth as we would like to believe. Most of our grandads were rolling stones. It was common, and somewhat acceptable for men to be such. Women would hate it, but invariably accept it.

When you have marital problems, women would run back to their families. At which point, their aunts, their mothers and sisters would console them. The consolation period would always end either by the man coming after his woman or the woman being encouraged to go back and fight for her marriage. This still happens in some cultures, by the way. It happens in African communities, and some Asian communities as well.

Our default is to move on. If there are issues, we are inclined and encouraged to seek better! There is a problem in that. I am not saying we should stick with every bastard out there. We ought to preserve ourselves.

Shorter concentration spans


We have often been referred to as a microwave generation. This is true to the t. We have less patience than our parents and their parents had. Patience is built by having to wait for things. We no longer have to wait for much. Our internet pages load quicker than most things, yet we still complain about that. We hate queuing for the added seconds or minutes when service providers are slower than we have grown to expect. McDonalds and other such places are built on this truth! We want what we want, and we want it now! We have tonnes of pages open in our browsers when surfing the web. Shorter concentration spans make it easier for us to move on.

Sex is readily available "sex ready"


Evan Mawarire said, “We are a sex ready generation.” From the time we are young, we are being prepared for sex. All forms of media are geared towards this. Sex sells! And we are selling it to all age groups nowadays. Our children know things that we wouldn’t have ever known at their age. The internet gives us unprecedented access to information, but this is not all good! There is limited filtration.

I remember being on a bus in London a few years ago, and overhearing a conversation between some boys. They couldn’t have been an older than 11/12. One of them was speaking of how a female had been performing fellatio on him. That shook me. I wondered how much I knew about that by that age. That was the sort of age where kissing was a big deal to me and my peers. Clearly, this lad was ahead of me. I do not envy him though, these sort of things robbed me of part of my childhood. God knows how much more of his they will take away.

Sex used to be a man’s ticket to sex, unless he wanted to use the services of a sex worker, which was frowned upon. With sex being readily available, less men are inclined to want to marry. Why would you buy the cow when you can get the milk easily? Hahaha, that’s perhaps an overused analogy.

The pursuit of forever is not as prevalent 


I don’t know a lot of people in my generation that want to get married. The ones I know who are married, seem to be suffering through it. Some of my friend will read this and think I am a bastard for not recognising their wonderful marriages, so I will admit that there are some marriages that we could all aspire to. Those are few and far apart. Most people are not looking for forever. Most of us just want immediate pleasure, and hope the rest sorts itself out. My grandparents had an amazing marriage, and I have always wanted the same. A part of me still believes and is holding out for that, yet another part is done with the waiting.

There is a nagging feeling that when we wait, we are missing out on the pleasures that others are enjoying. My personal fear is that of investing a lot of time in someone and something that doesn't work. Something that only eats you up and spits a different version of you out.
The truth is, relationships are work, it no walk in the park! You get in what you put into it. And when you don’t, you ought to keep putting in what you want to get out. We reap what we sow. Although, not all seeds that we sow will bear fruit, we are not to stop planting!

I want forever! I will have forever, no matter how much it costs me. I have seen what forever looks like, and will not settle for anything less than it. As sad as it is that men no longer pursue women as much as they could. I count it privilege to still be one of the hopeless romantics. There is little to no competition for us nowadays. Sadly, this also means most women are not prepared to be treated that well.

Society has conditioned our women to worry about being taken advantage of. It is smart that they remain vigilant, but not to shut the few good men out.


The best long distance dating guide with tips

17:39 0 Comments A+ a-


Long distance dating guide

long distance dating etiquette

Perhaps the more complex of all dating issues is long distance dating. Long distance relationships are not for the faint hearted, one artist once said. I am inclined to agree with him. Human interaction and relationships are built on our desire for companionship. We have a desire to be desired! Some have a stronger desire than others in this regard. How do we create a balance? After being asked so many questions and researching long distance relationships for a while now, I thought I'd do one massive post to answer these important questions. I have absolutely no doubt that it will help someone. 
Long distance dating tips

What counts as a long distance relationship?


I've dated people who live in cities next to me, and thought of it as a long distance relationship. Long distance relationships are relationships where you are physically incapable of being with one another at all will. For instance, if I travel to France every weekend from London to see my lady, it isn't really a long distance relationship. Yet, if someone who isn't able to travel as much as I get to, has a lady or man in France and only sees them once every few months, that is a long distance relationship. We want to see and do things with the person that we are dating. If that privilege is taken from us, we are suddenly thrust into a long distance relationship. You can read some other definitions here

Is a long distance relationship for me?


That's not an easy question to answer! It will depend on your partner in this. If you have a very keen and loving partner who is capable and willing to walk with you through the trials that are bound to come out of it.

If you need constant attention, perhaps long distance relationships are not for you. They are easier for people who can live their life quite independent of the person that they are dating. If you have a hard time trusting the person that you are dating, long distance relationships can go either way for you. 

They can heighten those insecurities or mask them. The masking would come from you, not hearing all sort of things about your man/lady. The insecurities may result from your thoughts in times when they don't act the way that you think they ought to. 

Dating long distance ideas

Dating long distance ideas


If they don't call you when they said they would, or take too long to respond to texts. What is your default thought in those instances? Is it to think that they may be quite busy and will get back to you as soon as they have a moment? Or is it, they are likely giving that attention to someone else? Most relationships are shaken by unspoken worries and doubts that we carry into them with us. 



At times these are founded on experiences that we have had in the past, experiences that we have seen others have in the past or what we have seen dramatised on our screens. You must be weary of where these things come from, and take personal responsibility for how you feel. 


A good chunk of my relationships were long distance. We spent more time speaking than we did seeing one another. Based on years of trial and error, I will throw some tips your way. Not everything will work for you, it's important to learn your partner. Treat them the way that they would like to be treated. 


Dating long distance relationships activities:


A great chunk of your communication will be over the phone or online. Make the most of these channels of communication. Your partner will appreciate the effort made. 

  1. Have a conference call with another couple that you are friends with. They can be a couple that you admire. You don't want these times to be counselling sessions that could make either of you defensive. Rather, use them to build a friendly rapport. If you can get a friend each to join the call, that will go a long way. The true face of any man is reveal in the presence of friends.
  2. Watch a movie or better yet watch a series together. You know the ones that release new episodes weekly. You can even pick an old series and have a date night every week to watch one episode. Do it on Netflix while you have Skype cameras on so you can see one another and talk. I usually recommend comedies in these instance. Give one another comfortable subjects to discuss. Pick each other's brains and find common ground. 
  3. Pay him/her a surprise visit once in a while. No, not the usual planned visit, just a random visit. Even if you cannot stay overnight. Take them out for a meal and leave if you can't stay. These small things keep the fire burning!
  4. Have a dinner night, even if it's over Skype when you haven't got time or means to meet in person. Spice it up, order food for one another and get it delivered. The lady makes the order for the gent, and the gent for the lady. Pick something you think they will like. Even if they don't like it, it's a lesson learned and some fun had while at it. 
  5. Meet halfway. Find a place that is halfway between where you are based and meet there for a weekend. A place that is not familiar to either one of you. Give yourselves a chance to discover and explore things together for the very first time. Build memories together. 
  6. Go on holiday together. Take some time off at the same time. Pull yourselves out of your conform zones and take a holiday together. Go camping, there is so much that you will learn about someone by being out in the wild with them. Away from everyday comforts and essentials. A place where you can care for each other.
  7. Care for her/him from afar. There is always a danger that your physical absence will translate into a total absence. Not being able to make it in person is not an excuse for not caring when they need it. If he/she is unwell, get some dinner delivered. Get some medication delivered to him/her. Travel down to stay for a day/two and just take good care of her/him. 
  8. Simulate a first date as often as you can. Understand that people change, yes, they change. What your partner was like when you met will invariably change based on things that they will experience along the way. Long distance relationships are in a unique position in this regard, in the sense that you are unlikely to be there to witness these changes occur. A first date simulation allows you to keep learning and re-learning one another. We are all complex being; let's never take that for granted.

Long distance dating Christian


In case you haven't already figured it out from other posts, I identify as a Christian man. For some reason people will always ask what long distance dating Christian version is like? In theory, there ought to be a difference between how Christians date, and how non-religious persons date. In practice however, those lines have become quite blurred. We have people coming from all sorts of backgrounds and experiences coming together in faith and in pursuit of love. 

One reason why I think long distance relationships should work in Christian circles is that there is less pressure to be physical if you don't see each other all the time. However from personal experience and that of other Christians that I have spoken to, not seeing each other often places an added desire to do things in the little time that you see one another. It's important to be able to manage that from the get go, and to be aware of each other's expectations.

Unknown, unspoken, unmanaged and unfulfilled expectations lead to the bulk of relationship issues. Speak to one another, don't be afraid to ask questions. Let your partner know what you expect of them, and listen to what they expect of you. If for any reason their expectations don't meet up to what you can or are willing to deliver, you can compromise or part ways early. Nothing hurts more than being strung along. 


Long distance dating communication


You have probably heard it said that the bulk of relationship failures are a direct result of miscommunication. They result from something that could have easily been discussed and resolved. This stand true for long distance relationships as well, perhaps even more so. It is easy to reassure your partner in person than it is when you are not physically there. 

Communication is the bridge that covers the gulf that is left by your physical absence. Use that bridge relentlessly. There are some small things that you can do to facilitate this:

  • Send your partner unscheduled, unplanned and unexpected messages. Surprise them. Let them know that they are on your mind, even when they are not physically there with you.
  • Call them at work, during a break with no agenda but to simply check on them when you can. There will be times when you won't be able to do this, so do it when you can.
  • Write your partner a letter and put in the post. This is one method that is not used as often nowadays. Take this from a hopeless romantic, it works. It's thoughtful, filled with effort. Your partner will love it. 
  • Facilitate an open conversation that allows your partner to fill that they are free to criticise you without hurting your feelings. Ask what areas you can improve in. Be conscious that there are things that you can do to hurt your partner's feelings without realising it. 
  • Learn to ask. Ask questions when you have doubts about anything. Ask for things that you want from your partner. Do not just assume that it will occur to them. No matter how much they adore you, there are bound to be needs they don't know are needs unless you spell them out clearly to them. 


Long distance dating tinder


I have been asked about my opinion when it comes to Tinder dating and long distance tinder dating as a whole. Well, things like Tinder came into existence when I was no longer freely dating casually. That being said, I have been involved in various experiments on it. I've created profiles to see how well they perform compared to previous ones. 

When it comes to long distance Tinder dating, there are quite a lot of similarities with long distance dating as normal. Well, Tinder dating is not abnormal. 

I'd advise that you first check the validity of the profile and person to whom you are speaking. Ask for Skype conversation or to meet in person where possible. I need not have to remind anyone that if you are to meet this person, make sure it is done in a busy, public place. 

There are way too many stories of cat fishing and scams that have been run against vulnerable individuals looking for love. Oh yeah, don't send the bastard any money. It's rude enough to be asked for money by someone you don't know. You don't need someone like that in your life. 

Communication wise, the same rules as before would apply. Talk as much as possible. It's amazing just how much you can learn from someone by just listening. 


Long distance dating dos and don'ts


  • Don't be possessive or obsessive. Your partner doesn't always need to be on the end of a phone line to you. They have a life outside of you. Let them be, or you will lose them.
  • Do be supportive. Leave it to no doubt that you are fighting in their corner. Even when you cannot do it physically, be there emotionally.
  • Don't get too many people involved in your business. Too many cooks spoil the meal.


Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)