The best long distance dating guide with tips

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Long distance dating guide

long distance dating etiquette

Perhaps the more complex of all dating issues is long distance dating. Long distance relationships are not for the faint hearted, one artist once said. I am inclined to agree with him. Human interaction and relationships are built on our desire for companionship. We have a desire to be desired! Some have a stronger desire than others in this regard. How do we create a balance? After being asked so many questions and researching long distance relationships for a while now, I thought I'd do one massive post to answer these important questions. I have absolutely no doubt that it will help someone. 
Long distance dating tips

What counts as a long distance relationship?

I've dated people who live in cities next to me, and thought of it as a long distance relationship. Long distance relationships are relationships where you are physically incapable of being with one another at all will. For instance, if I travel to France every weekend from London to see my lady, it isn't really a long distance relationship. Yet, if someone who isn't able to travel as much as I get to, has a lady or man in France and only sees them once every few months, that is a long distance relationship. We want to see and do things with the person that we are dating. If that privilege is taken from us, we are suddenly thrust into a long distance relationship. You can read some other definitions here

Is a long distance relationship for me?

That's not an easy question to answer! It will depend on your partner in this. If you have a very keen and loving partner who is capable and willing to walk with you through the trials that are bound to come out of it.

If you need constant attention, perhaps long distance relationships are not for you. They are easier for people who can live their life quite independent of the person that they are dating. If you have a hard time trusting the person that you are dating, long distance relationships can go either way for you. 

They can heighten those insecurities or mask them. The masking would come from you, not hearing all sort of things about your man/lady. The insecurities may result from your thoughts in times when they don't act the way that you think they ought to. 

Dating long distance ideas

Dating long distance ideas

If they don't call you when they said they would, or take too long to respond to texts. What is your default thought in those instances? Is it to think that they may be quite busy and will get back to you as soon as they have a moment? Or is it, they are likely giving that attention to someone else? Most relationships are shaken by unspoken worries and doubts that we carry into them with us. 

At times these are founded on experiences that we have had in the past, experiences that we have seen others have in the past or what we have seen dramatised on our screens. You must be weary of where these things come from, and take personal responsibility for how you feel. 

A good chunk of my relationships were long distance. We spent more time speaking than we did seeing one another. Based on years of trial and error, I will throw some tips your way. Not everything will work for you, it's important to learn your partner. Treat them the way that they would like to be treated. 

Dating long distance relationships activities:

A great chunk of your communication will be over the phone or online. Make the most of these channels of communication. Your partner will appreciate the effort made. 

  1. Have a conference call with another couple that you are friends with. They can be a couple that you admire. You don't want these times to be counselling sessions that could make either of you defensive. Rather, use them to build a friendly rapport. If you can get a friend each to join the call, that will go a long way. The true face of any man is reveal in the presence of friends.
  2. Watch a movie or better yet watch a series together. You know the ones that release new episodes weekly. You can even pick an old series and have a date night every week to watch one episode. Do it on Netflix while you have Skype cameras on so you can see one another and talk. I usually recommend comedies in these instance. Give one another comfortable subjects to discuss. Pick each other's brains and find common ground. 
  3. Pay him/her a surprise visit once in a while. No, not the usual planned visit, just a random visit. Even if you cannot stay overnight. Take them out for a meal and leave if you can't stay. These small things keep the fire burning!
  4. Have a dinner night, even if it's over Skype when you haven't got time or means to meet in person. Spice it up, order food for one another and get it delivered. The lady makes the order for the gent, and the gent for the lady. Pick something you think they will like. Even if they don't like it, it's a lesson learned and some fun had while at it. 
  5. Meet halfway. Find a place that is halfway between where you are based and meet there for a weekend. A place that is not familiar to either one of you. Give yourselves a chance to discover and explore things together for the very first time. Build memories together. 
  6. Go on holiday together. Take some time off at the same time. Pull yourselves out of your conform zones and take a holiday together. Go camping, there is so much that you will learn about someone by being out in the wild with them. Away from everyday comforts and essentials. A place where you can care for each other.
  7. Care for her/him from afar. There is always a danger that your physical absence will translate into a total absence. Not being able to make it in person is not an excuse for not caring when they need it. If he/she is unwell, get some dinner delivered. Get some medication delivered to him/her. Travel down to stay for a day/two and just take good care of her/him. 
  8. Simulate a first date as often as you can. Understand that people change, yes, they change. What your partner was like when you met will invariably change based on things that they will experience along the way. Long distance relationships are in a unique position in this regard, in the sense that you are unlikely to be there to witness these changes occur. A first date simulation allows you to keep learning and re-learning one another. We are all complex being; let's never take that for granted.

Long distance dating Christian

In case you haven't already figured it out from other posts, I identify as a Christian man. For some reason people will always ask what long distance dating Christian version is like? In theory, there ought to be a difference between how Christians date, and how non-religious persons date. In practice however, those lines have become quite blurred. We have people coming from all sorts of backgrounds and experiences coming together in faith and in pursuit of love. 

One reason why I think long distance relationships should work in Christian circles is that there is less pressure to be physical if you don't see each other all the time. However from personal experience and that of other Christians that I have spoken to, not seeing each other often places an added desire to do things in the little time that you see one another. It's important to be able to manage that from the get go, and to be aware of each other's expectations.

Unknown, unspoken, unmanaged and unfulfilled expectations lead to the bulk of relationship issues. Speak to one another, don't be afraid to ask questions. Let your partner know what you expect of them, and listen to what they expect of you. If for any reason their expectations don't meet up to what you can or are willing to deliver, you can compromise or part ways early. Nothing hurts more than being strung along. 

Long distance dating communication

You have probably heard it said that the bulk of relationship failures are a direct result of miscommunication. They result from something that could have easily been discussed and resolved. This stand true for long distance relationships as well, perhaps even more so. It is easy to reassure your partner in person than it is when you are not physically there. 

Communication is the bridge that covers the gulf that is left by your physical absence. Use that bridge relentlessly. There are some small things that you can do to facilitate this:

  • Send your partner unscheduled, unplanned and unexpected messages. Surprise them. Let them know that they are on your mind, even when they are not physically there with you.
  • Call them at work, during a break with no agenda but to simply check on them when you can. There will be times when you won't be able to do this, so do it when you can.
  • Write your partner a letter and put in the post. This is one method that is not used as often nowadays. Take this from a hopeless romantic, it works. It's thoughtful, filled with effort. Your partner will love it. 
  • Facilitate an open conversation that allows your partner to fill that they are free to criticise you without hurting your feelings. Ask what areas you can improve in. Be conscious that there are things that you can do to hurt your partner's feelings without realising it. 
  • Learn to ask. Ask questions when you have doubts about anything. Ask for things that you want from your partner. Do not just assume that it will occur to them. No matter how much they adore you, there are bound to be needs they don't know are needs unless you spell them out clearly to them. 

Long distance dating tinder

I have been asked about my opinion when it comes to Tinder dating and long distance tinder dating as a whole. Well, things like Tinder came into existence when I was no longer freely dating casually. That being said, I have been involved in various experiments on it. I've created profiles to see how well they perform compared to previous ones. 

When it comes to long distance Tinder dating, there are quite a lot of similarities with long distance dating as normal. Well, Tinder dating is not abnormal. 

I'd advise that you first check the validity of the profile and person to whom you are speaking. Ask for Skype conversation or to meet in person where possible. I need not have to remind anyone that if you are to meet this person, make sure it is done in a busy, public place. 

There are way too many stories of cat fishing and scams that have been run against vulnerable individuals looking for love. Oh yeah, don't send the bastard any money. It's rude enough to be asked for money by someone you don't know. You don't need someone like that in your life. 

Communication wise, the same rules as before would apply. Talk as much as possible. It's amazing just how much you can learn from someone by just listening. 

Long distance dating dos and don'ts

  • Don't be possessive or obsessive. Your partner doesn't always need to be on the end of a phone line to you. They have a life outside of you. Let them be, or you will lose them.
  • Do be supportive. Leave it to no doubt that you are fighting in their corner. Even when you cannot do it physically, be there emotionally.
  • Don't get too many people involved in your business. Too many cooks spoil the meal.